Ever feel socially awkward? Unsure of yourself? Not sure if you’re appealing to the other sex or not? Do you have a chance with that blonde? Did that handsome guy just glance at you? Good lord, are you letting this limit your social and sexual connections?
Here’s a trick. It’s one based in conceit and narcissism, but it works.
Assume everyone wants you.
I know, I know… how many ego cookies was I eating while writing this post.. let me explain before you throw me in the Zoolander box.
First off by ‘want,’ I should really say ‘interested.’ Unfortunately, ‘Want’ sounds a heck of a lot better.
I’ve been in a million social situations. You too probably. I noticed something… most people don’t notice what/how other people are reacting to them. I mean lets’ be honest, most of society won’t make eye contact, how the hell are they supposed to notice if someone is giving them a star-struck look?! Lots of times, they rely on miracles, or alcohol to find out.
Likewise, some people who are interested in you may be afraid to show it, and thus not willing to put themselves out there. You could be giving the best eye contact around, and putting yourself out there. However to them, the confidence you display could be intimidating, and if you don’t make the first move, you may very well never know that connection. They may lack the confidence to even approach you. They may feel you’re out of their league, and that they’re simply not good enough.
So here’s the war cry – if you find someone attractive / appealing, friggin’ go for it!! Go say hi you ninny!! You’re no better off not doing anything than finding out for yourself. You may not be surprised at what happens, or in some cases… you will be very suprised. Send me a thank you email in the morning…
Be Your Own Miracle Worker… or Bartender.
It’s simple. Walk up and talk with them. Say ‘Hi, I’m [insert your name here.]’ Ask questions, be interesting. Assume it’s leading somewhere, but don’t push it. If it’s uncomfortable, it’s probably time for you to move on. If it’s interesting and somewhat teasing, you’re probably in good shape bub. Keep it going and never focus on any specific results. Be ‘in the moment.’
Keeping the assumption they want you will help you be funny and charming in the conversations. You’re eliciting the same emotions as if you’ve already sealed the deal with this person, thus removing social phobia. In other words, you’re almost acting as if you’ve both seen each other naked.
I’m not going to teach you to flirt in this post, but being able to be ‘safely sexual’ while talking is key to make things happen. Don’t shout ‘Do Me Beautiful.’ Do ask ‘leading questions.’ (Questions you can predict, and steer.) E.g. asking about what pillows they have on their bed, what’s in their fridge, do they have cuddly stuffed animals, travel desires etc. If you can’t figure out where to steer those questions, read a ‘Pick-Up’ book or Google it.
Not Being Creepy or Elitist
Again, I’m not telling you to walk up to a member of the opposite sex, all Ron Burgandy like and convince them they want you… Walk up to them and start talking. Within a couple minutes, you’ll know if there’s a chance there. Once you get comfy and good at it, you’ll know in seconds. And if you were wrong, so what you made a new friend, or at least did something socially. You’re no worse than you were to begin with.
So give it a try. In a society that prides itself on being able to sell sex, we’re really afraid to look it in the face. Assume, approach and attract. It’s really that simple. By the way, you’re really, really good looking.